But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
