u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
