You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
