Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
