And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
