Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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