What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Randomize
