k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
