He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
