Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
