dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
