It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
