Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
