she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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