it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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