I puked a lego.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
