I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
