Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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