there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Lo siento on account of my penis...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
