An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
