My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
Randomize
