YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
