my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
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