i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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