I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
