i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
