One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
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