She's JV to your varsity
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
