Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
