I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
