I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
