My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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