and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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