How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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