I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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