Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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