he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
