Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
