I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Randomize
