Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
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