We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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