I hate your face
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
