i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
