Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
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