Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
Randomize
