Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
