we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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