Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize
