i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Randomize
