Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
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