So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
