wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
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