Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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