I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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