i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
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