i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
