Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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