well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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