I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
