eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
