Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Randomize
