You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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