Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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