Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
