Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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