the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
