apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
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