the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize