my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
A bitchslap is in order.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
