BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
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