last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
