I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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