How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
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